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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151817">And You Watch In Wonder</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawn_writes/pseuds/fawn_writes'>fawn_writes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Far Cry 5, Far Cry: New Dawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Deputy | Judge joins Project at Eden's Gate, Imprisonment, Other, POV First Person, Post-Apocalypse, Religious Fanaticism, Songfic, Starvation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:43:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>656</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawn_writes/pseuds/fawn_writes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I can hear its heavy footsteps right outside the heavy metal doors of the bunker.<br/>Around the corner.<br/>Behind my back. </p><p>Songfic: "Put It on Me" by Matt Maeson.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deputy | Judge &amp; Joseph Seed, Joseph Seed &amp; Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And You Watch In Wonder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I take a deep breath in, then exhale sharply, again and again. I look at the dark walls towering all around me, look for any possible exit and don’t find it.</p><p> </p><p>Again and again. Again and again.</p><p> </p><p>I look at you and see an Abyss staring back with all its blankness and purity.</p><p>I don’t see any mercy.</p><p>I don’t see forgiveness.</p><p>I see emptiness and fall right into it, stumbling over the jumble of my threats and pleads.</p><p> </p><p>I think I shouted something, but I’m not sure what it was exactly. My throat is sore.</p><p>My throat hurts. The bile burned it and I still taste it in my mouth. I probably see it on my shoes.</p><p> </p><p>Everything hurts. My head, my stomach. My limbs. I feel burns, I feel sore galls left from the handcuffs.</p><p>The ground burns. I feel it pulsing above me and somehow right into my skull.</p><p> </p><p>I feel trapped like an animal in the tight cage, no better than those Judges.</p><p>I feel the weight of my wrongdoings and choices I can’t ever undo pushing on my shoulders.</p><p>I feel the eyes of my dead friends and innocent murderers staring at me from the dark corners.</p><p>Guilt bursts out of me like a waterfall and I cry and I scream muffling the noise with my arms and clothes and pillow and</p><p>I want blood to be there too.</p><p>Blood for blood. Just like it should be.</p><p>Isn’t that supposed to be so in the New World’s book of laws?</p><p> </p><p>Isn’t that how God operates?</p><p>Shouldn’t I be punished already for all my sins instead of facing the Prophet every single day of what’s left of my miserable life?</p><p> </p><p>You are the cold inescapable proof.</p><p>You're the evil, the way in the life and the truth.</p><p>You're revival, beginning and you're genocide.</p><p>And I watch in wonder.</p><p> </p><p>I can’t sleep.</p><p>The Abyss, the void is now not only outside, looking at me patiently with mild curiosity, but also inside me, devouring my internal parts. Hunger is everywhere, just as pain, just as horror, just as the oncoming judgment.</p><p> </p><p>I can hear its heavy footsteps right outside the heavy metal doors of the bunker.</p><p>Around the corner.</p><p>Behind my back.</p><p> </p><p>It is so close but it never comes.</p><p> </p><p>I can’t see.</p><p> </p><p>I am guilty. Please, forgive me and sooth me with your cold arms.</p><p>I AM GUILTY</p><p>HEAR ME AND LEAD ME</p><p> </p><p>If there's no one to blame, blame it on me</p><p>Storm in the sky, fire in the street</p><p>If there's nothing but pain,</p><p>PUT IT ON ME</p><p> </p><p>save me</p><p> </p><p>I see the Savior in the other end of the tunnels of eyes and walk right into the light.</p><p> </p><p>I see now. I see everything.</p><p>I saw what should have been and see what I should do now.</p><p>I see how it shall be from now on.</p><p> </p><p>I cry, I pray. But now I’m not unheard.</p><p>I close my eyes and follow the voice blindly.</p><p>I close my mouth for I haven’t said anything worthy in my life.</p><p> </p><p>I evolve from the animal I’ve been before into something new, something more.</p><p> </p><p>                      I know that you'd never feel like I do, and I'd break into pieces right in front of you.</p><p>And I'd burn down the city and string up the noose,</p><p>And you watch in wonder.</p><p> </p><p>Did I do everything right, Father?</p><p>Will I ever have your blessing and win forgiveness and a pass into the New Eden?</p><p> </p><p>As I shall stand right before it and guard its gates from every sinner, every trespasser.</p><p> </p><p>Again and again. Again and again.</p><p> </p><p>As I shall become your shadow and serve you, for you’re the only one who can show the people the true Path.</p><p>For you’re the only one who can ever pass me His true will.</p><p> </p><p>And I will judge others as I myself shall be judged.</p><p> </p><p>And you’ll watch in wonder.</p>
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